The D.C. TP Snafu

Visiting a CVS in Washington, D.C., for toilet paper has become a diabolical combination of China’s marriage markets and European toilet policies. The New York Post reports that customers wishing to avail themselves of double ply will have to press a button and then indicate the corresponding image of tissue paper they’d like an associate to retrieve for them. Do you prefer the Scott’s with matte surround and a black frame? Or rather, is the Charmin bear’s promise of reduced personal intimacy enough to indicate the snapshot with a gold bezel?

Patrick Reilly reports for the New York Post:

The unusual store display was started after homeless people began snatching the products off the shelves of the drugstore, located on H Street NE, without paying, individuals familiar with the situation told local outlet WTOP.

Reports of robbery in DC are up by 68% in 2023 compared to last year, Fox Business reported.

More than 3,000 robberies have taken place so far in 2023 — up substantially from 1,791 at this time in 2022, Metropolitan Police Department data shows.

The region has been plagued by a major uptick in smash-and-grab robberies as well, WTOP reported.

We laugh because the situation is absurd. However, one ought to credit CVS for taking this intermediary step before giving up on the area entirely. As we’ve seen elsewhere, retail is closing in regions that refuse to police the behaviors that only a few years ago would be unconscionable. These thefts are, by and large, conducted by professional thieves who descend upon a store, pile the inventory out the door, and then sell their bootleg goods on Facebook Marketplace and similar platforms. In other words, if these cities allowed their police to take action, a significant proportion of theft would disappear with relatively few arrests.

Whether in prison or the Navy, high-quality toilet paper is as desirable as cigarettes. That the paying public has to queue for the same in our nation’s capital reeks of third-world disorder.