Way back in August (man, what a different world that was), we gave you our best crack at a primary-debate drinking game. We’re back tonight for the first debate of the 2024 general-election campaign. Fair warning: We’ve been drunk since August.
Drink, if . . .
- The first thing Donald Trump says violates Judge Merchan’s gag order.
- Joe Biden starts talking to an imaginary audience.
- Trump holds a pre-debate press conference with all the children whose hair Biden has sniffed.
- Biden challenges Trump to a push-up contest.
- Either candidate tries to talk with his microphone turned off in true Boomer-on-Zoom fashion.
- Biden molts his exoskeleton.
- Trump suggests buying Iceland this time around.
- Biden accidentally calls Trump “Bob Dole.”
- Either participant has trouble drinking his water (you drink for them).
- Biden’s nose starts bleeding.
- CNN fact-checker Daniel Dale calls out a Biden falsehood.
- Every five minutes, you remember that these are the choices our political parties presented us.
Good luck to our readers, and good luck to America. Cheers.