One of the most important paths by which gay marriage is liable to dissolve the family runs through triple parenting. Whereas single heterosexual women who conceive children via artificial insemination tend to use anonymous sperm donors (a practice that has its own distinct and dramatic destabilizing effects on family structure), lesbian couples who conceive a child through artificial insemination are more likely to use known donors–often a friend of one or both partners. This sets up a situation in which a child can have three parents from birth. Legal recognition of such triple parenting arrangements would lay down a clear precedent for multi-partner marriage. And recognition of triple and quadruple (eg. where the male donor has a gay male partner) parenting is high on the wish list of pro-same-sex-marriage radicals, as is multi-partner marriage.
“Conservative” advocates of same-sex marriage have downplayed the influence of pro-triple-parenting radicals, denying that we will ever see a grass-roots movement powerful enough to precipitate legal recognition of this dramatic change in family practice. Against this, I’ve argued that a pro-triple-parenting movement is already visible, and is simply waiting for national same-sex marriage to be approved before emerging in force. (See The Confession and The Confession II.)
Well, it now appears that we may not have to wait for a new national movement of family radicals. Gay marriage is apparently already serving as a springboard for the dissolution of our traditional family arrangements. Just a week ago, almost completely under the radar (I can’t find a single story on nexis), a Pennsylvania court awarded triple parenting status to a lesbian couple and a male sperm donor, without any legislative basis. Here is further coverage (vertigo alert on this one) and here is the decision.
In this case at least, the pressure of an organized movement of family radicals turned out to have been entirely unnecessary. Instead, the mere cultural and conceptual momentum of the gay marriage movement was enough to precipitate a further radical change. The lesbian couple in question had traveled from Pennsylvania to Vermont to be joined in a civil union, and this evidently had an impact on the court’s considerations.
In the wake of same-sex marriage’s arrival, Canadian courts finally resolved a long-standing battle by awarding full simultaneous parental status to a lesbian couple and a gay male donor. Yet exactly the sort of legal recognition of triple parenting that has sparked substantial ongoing controversy in Canada has so far passed by almost entirely unnoticed in the United States. Of course, the American move may not hold up on appeal (if there is an appeal), and may not immediately spread to other jurisdictions. Even so, we’ve just had a dramatic illustration of the potential for same-sex marriage and Vermont-style civil unions to deconstruct the family.
By the way, Canada has recently made efforts to end paid sperm donation. Yet it seems to me that the triple parenting decision sets up the very real possibility of a backfire. If lesbian couples find it tougher to purchase anonymous donor sperm, they are all the more likely to use known donor friends. Given the new legal opening, that means Canada may be seeing more triple parenting from birth, more pressure for formal legislative recognition, and eventually, more pressure for full-fledged multi-partner marriage. Along the way of course, American radicals will point to Canadian precedents. In any case, now we’ve got a precedent of our own.
Where is media coverage of the Pennsylvania decision? Gil Scott Heron had a song called “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.” Apparently, the family revolution in Pennsylvania will not be publicized.
For a quick take on the triple parenting problem, see my earlier Corner post NYT Goes Rad. For excellent background on triple simultaneous parenting from birth, and the broader context of its challenge to the family, go here to download “The Revolution in Parenthood,” by Elizabeth Marquardt. For a superb discussion of (among other things) the link between same-sex marriage and the prospect of triple/quadruple parenting and multi-partner marriage, see especially chapters 6 and 7 of David Blankenhorn’s important new book, The Future of Marriage.