Incredible as it may seem to those readers who look up to me as a paragon of
sensitivity, exquisite manners, and Old World charm, I committed a social
gaffe yesterday.
We had our street Christmas party, at the house of two very kind & wonderful
neighbors — thanks for a great party, guys! Coming in through the door, I
encountered two other neighbors, a lady and a gent. The lady sang out a
cheerful “Happy Holidays.” I am sorry to say my hackles rose. “Merry
Christmas!” I replied, a bit too loud and forcefully. Seeing the slightly
stunned expression on the lady’s face, I tried to repair thing by adding,
“If you don’t mind, that is.” I think it came out wrong, though, or perhaps
was heard wrong. (If you *DON’T* mind!”) Anyway, I saw that particular
neighbor this morning while walking my dog. She cut me.
I accept full responsibility for this faux pas. I realize I violated the
civic religion of early 21st-century America, the religion of Nice. There
is a time and a place to wage war against noxious verbal sludge like “Happy
Holidays!” but probably one’s neighborhood Christmas party isn’t it.
What is one to do, though? It’s not “holidays,” it’s Christmas, dammit.
I’m perfectly happy to honor *your* festivals — Happy Ramadan! Happy Kali
Puja! sure — I have no problem with any of that. This one’s ours, though;
and if you don’t like that, maybe you should just stay home and watch the
shopping channel on cable.