Choke on It, You Commies

Have you heard? Chinese social media is apparently very upset about the American performance at the 2024 Paris Olympics. And just for one second here, let’s try to empathize: I too would be dismayed if I were an incel trapped at home online under 24-hour authoritarian panopticon supervision by all 1.4 billion of my fellow Chinamen and nothing but a logographic language to express myself with. And I’d be even more ticked off if the whole disproportionate lot of them couldn’t justify their existence — even with a massive state-run athletics program — by outstripping a mere 325 million upstart American jerkwads at the Olympics.

And alas, they couldn’t do it. They won 40 gold medals, as did the USA, and while you might think Chinese Communists would know how to settle for a tie given their involvement in the Korean War, no such luck: The masses are angry, and they are exceedingly racist as well.

So that’s exactly where my sympathy ends, because to hell with these people. (Everything amplified on Chinese social media is party-approved, incidentally.) The circulating meme is that because 28 American gold medalists were black, then those awards should go to Africa. (Also, the ones that go to America have a big Star of David inserted to represent how we are all apparently Zionist puppets.)

There’s no substance to address here, really; I just think we should all laugh at how miserably pathetic they are. In fact, I am for once fairly confident that I speak for 99 percent of Americans when I say: Get rekt, you commie losers. You can choke on it, and if you’re unwilling to, then we as Americans will be happy to shove your cloddish racism down your throats anytime you ever encounter us in athletic competition.

Please understand, however, that we won’t notice or care about your perpetual cultural inferiority complex as we do so. China spends countless billions of dollars simply to breed, train, artificially dope, and then run handpicked athletes in international competitions. Their national psychology — just like that of other second-rate cultural polities such as the Soviet bloc — is consumed by these chest-thumping displays of “achievement” to prove their national virility. (This, of course, is why they so happily cheat.)

That concept is alien to the American spirit. Americans end up being the best at any competition to which we devote our focused talents for a reason that infuriates the Chinese: because we draw the best across the world to us, and raise them as Americans in the American way. (This is the upside. The downside is illegal immigration.) As it turns out, you don’t need an army of billions; you just need a bunch of determined and wildly gifted individuals who can properly self-actualize and have found themselves (likely because of their parents) in the best possible place on the planet to do so.

Americans don’t compete for these prizes because their government culls them and grooms them from childhood in a totalitarian state program. They do it either for cold, hard cash — there is “sports,” and then there is American professional sports — or, in the case of the vast majority of our Olympians, simply because they can. It’s a side hobby, one that feels great when people notice, but you do primarily for your own devotion to it. I well remember when Team USA shocked the world of cricket in the World Cup by upsetting Pakistan a few months ago, that the riposte was, “Well, look at the team, they’re all of South Asian descent!” And my thought instead was, “Yes, and they’re all Americans too, so what does that say?”

I love the Olympics precisely because I don’t particularly care about them; I know that others do, and that hardworking, unbelievably talented athletes who compete for Team USA have invested their lives in it, and I respect them immensely. But I myself am always more satisfied by the fact that we just go out there every two years, sun and snow, and haul in an enormous sack of medals without getting terribly wrung up about it until the day of the actual race. If the Chinese want to jeer at us about how many of our Olympians are black (or Jewish, for that matter), then we as an entire nation will happily cheer back to them: Hell yes they are, and that’s as American as it gets. Go sulk somewhere else.