A word of advice to all the married men out there: When the wife asks you, incredulously, “So, this was your plan?” . . . you’d better rethink your plan.
You see, I wanted to get from Tulsa, Okla., to the West as quickly as possible — a straight Cannonball Run to the Grand Canyon to begin Summer Road Trip 2023. Let the adventuring begin!
I grew up backpacking, hitch-hiking, and road trippin’. Back in the day, in college, when Davey, Mike, and I would hit the road, we’d cross huge expanses quickly to get wherever we were going — switching off drivers, pounding Red Bulls, or, at most, catching an hour or two’s worth of winks at some sketchy truck stop. Later, in the Marines, the ethos of the infantry was simple: Everything you could possibly need can fit into a main pack, sleep is for losers, and a combination of nicotine, caffeine, and misery can power you through any accumulation of fatigue.
Tara, on the other hand, had wanted to ease into the trip. She thought that maybe we could stop in New Mexico — Santa Fe or Roswell — and let the boys blow off some steam before getting back on the road. If it took two or even three days to make it to the Grand Canyon, what’s the big deal? You can’t push it with three toddlers, after all, Mark.
Tara, of course, was right. We hadn’t even hit Amarillo (not more than five hours from Tulsa) before Becket announced that he was done with this particular road trip. Surely, we must be at the Grand Canyon by now, right, Papa?
I pushed on.
“Are we there yet, Papa?”
We were not there yet.
I’ll spare you the details, other than to relate that we stopped in Tucumcari, N.M., and checked into a pretty grim-looking Motel 6 so that the boys could get some rest outside of their car seats. My Summer Road Trip 2023 Master Itinerary — born from painstaking research — was now blown to smithereens. On Day One. Only fools invade Russia in wintertime, or so say the wise. They should add an additional maxim: Only fools attempt to drive more than six or so hours uninterrupted on a road trip with toddlers.
Later the next day, we pulled out of Flagstaff, Ariz., and headed north, leaving I-40 behind. Ahead of us was one of the great wonders of the world, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, an ancient spiritual oasis for the Hopi and the Navajo, one of the original U.S. national parks . . .
“Is that it, Papa?” Becket (4) sighs.
“Papa, did you dig that?” Jack (2) asks.
I lie to him. “Yes, I did dig that, Jackie.”
“Woooow, Papa,” Jack says, clearly proud of his Papa. “Good job, Papa.”
Tara and I have brought toddler-carrying packs on this adventure. Most of the outdoor brands — Osprey, Deuter, etc. — make them these days. They have steel frames, hip belts, and harness systems rigged to carry a little munchkin wherever you dream of going. Tara carries Jack. And I carry Becket and Patches (we’ve rigged Patch up in an after-market front carrier that attaches to the toddler-carrier pack). Added together, Becket and Patches can’t weigh more than 50 pounds. I’m used to rucking twice that. But, well, your Marine Corps pack — filled with warming layers, sleeping system, extra ammunition, a mortar round or two — doesn’t wriggle around, complain about being hot, need a snack, or, well, use the head, while you’re rucking.
“Living the dream yet?” Tara says with a wink. My God, I love her, even as I contemplate accidentally knocking her off the sheer cliff face.
The Grand Canyon is bigger than I remember it (it’d been 25 years, easily). As we hike the Rim Trail, I hear a park ranger tell a group of tourists that the Canyon is ten miles wide in most spots and a mile deep. It’s hot — 100 degrees or more. We see a lot of tourists, for some reason it seems like most of them speak French. They are not prepared for the heat or the distance. Some of them are wilting. As we approach the developed visitors centers on the South Rim, I see a site I was not expecting. I was aware that some of the bigger national parks boast early-20th century, Teddy Roosevelt–era lodges. I was not aware, however, that some of these are high-class, fancy hôtels on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. What is this — Davos?
Travel Notes: If you head to Grand Canyon National Park, get away from the Village and Main Visitors Center. Take the drive out to Desert View and see the old tower. You’ll escape the crowds and you’ll be able to find some quiet spots overlooking the canyon with spectacular vistas to hang out, make some lunch, and even take a short nap. If you can manage it, get out to the much-less-visited North Rim.
But the the canyon really is amazing. There are a few things in this world that really must be seen — in person — to be believed. I think the Redwoods are on that list. Manhattan, in my opinion, is another. The Grand Canyon must be seen. It must be hiked. It must be experienced to really gronk it.
Read Part I here.
Route Progress:
Tulsa, Okla. –> Grand Canyon National Park –> Yucca Valley, Calif. –> Alta Loma, Calif. –> Sequoia National Park –> Zion National Park –> Grand Junction, Colo. –> Colorado Springs –> Hays, Kan. –> Kansas City, Mo. — > Tulsa, Okla.