Jonathan “Jack” Nicastro: NR intern, Buick Regal–impugning villain, possibly Italian. Two of these things are forgivable; the third is grounds for a duel.
In an otherwise digestible review of the Jennifer Lawrence film No Hard Feelings, Nicastro reveals himself to be a silk-stockinged blackguard with his flippant description of one of the greatest off-the-lot “sleeper” cars of the 2000s.
Nicastro writes:
In a comically crude deus ex machina, Maddie stumbles upon an unconventional Craigslist offer: “Date” the wealthy Becker family’s Princeton-bound dweeb in exchange for an old Buick Regal. (There’s nothing regal about this sedan.) Maddie dolls herself up, rollerblades over to the Becker residence, and sets about seducing their 19-year-old son, Percy.
General Motors–inspired prostitution aside (how’s that for an introductory clause?), Nicastro reveals his Dartmouth pedigree. For most red-blooded American men, a mint 2004 Buick Regal GS with the supercharged 3.8L motor, 240 horsepower, 280 foot-pounds of torque, and a mere 40,000 miles on the clock would make a fella consider — for at least a second — whether becoming a temporarily active participant in Pride month might have some merit.
You can keep your Mercedes S-Class and high morals, Mr. Nicastro. The rest of us will be wrestling with the angels over who gets to drive home the Buick.
Regular Car Reviews has much more to say (somewhat sophomorically) on the subject:
