We should all feel a great sense of indebtedness to our elders.
When I think about my late grandparents, there is so much that I am in awe of: They raised my parents during economically turbulent years; imparted unparalleled wisdom unto me, even if I didn’t know it at the time; and loved me unconditionally. The elderly are, in many ways, the crafters of a functioning society.
But judging by the way we treat them in today’s modern age, you wouldn’t know it.
In their years of infirmity, many elderly people live lives of both physical atrophy and loneliness. We, instead of feeling a duty to care for them and a sense of filial piety, move far away from them and discard them in cold, impersonal old-age homes where they are, in some cases, physically abused. Utterly shameful.
Their loneliness and desperation is our problem.
A new study from The Journals of Gerontology finds that the only real way to ameliorate loneliness in the elderly is through in-person socialization, particularly with people whom they already have a close relationship with. While the researchers concede that there are notable advantages to phone and digital communication, especially as it relates to the “physical barriers that make it difficult to stay connected with social partners,” there is nothing like in-person interaction. “Those lacking access to in-person contact,” they continued, “may face increased risks of loneliness and social isolation.”
As we all remember, the Covid-19 pandemic made in-person interaction extremely difficult. Our elders suffered more than anyone, for they, aside from being most at risk of dying from Covid, were deprived of much-needed social contact with their loved ones.
Suzy Khimm, in an article for NBC News, tells the story of 98-year old Chester Peske, an Alzheimer’s sufferer residing in an assisted-living facility in Minnesota, who, during the pandemic, “was becoming quiet and disengaged.” Peske, who hadn’t seen his family in months, died alone. They missed him by minutes. His death certificate, Khimm reported, “listed the cause of death as the progression of Alzheimer’s disease and ‘social isolation / failure to thrive related to COVID-19 restrictions.’”
But, with Covid now behind us, there is definitely no reason for the elderly to experience social isolation and loneliness. Yet it is not unusual today for children to live thousands of miles away from their parents and elderly relatives, with even limited phone and digital contact.
Renewing a sense of social obligation to our elders, however, can help reintegrate them into social life and maybe even help shield them from our current loneliness epidemic.
In Better Together, Robert Putnam and Lewis Feldstein tell the story of Experience Corps, a program launched in 1996 that fostered intergenerational connection by bringing elderly volunteers to elementary schools to tutor reading and math. This experimental program was, in so many ways, a win-win: Students, who often felt insignificant or even dumb, learned that “they themselves are worth paying attention to,” and the elderly, retired and feeling as though they no longer served a purpose in society, proved that they still had so much to offer, in the forms of wisdom, guidance, and community.
When I was a senior in high school, we were tasked with participating in a voluntary activity for credit. I, because of a family connection, had the privilege of playing guitar at the local Norwegian assisted-living home. I recall playing for one woman who was 100 years old, who greatly appreciated my presence.
For all of you who are still fortunate to have your parents and grandparents, please spend time with them. It’s the least we can do.