A Goat Ate My Christmas Tree

This is part ten of the “Twelve Posts of Christmas,” a series exploring twelve traditions of the Christmas season.

I shan’t bore you today, dear reader, with an account of the history of the Christmas tree, for I am sure you have heard some kind of explanation before. Pagan rituals, German peasants, Victorian fancy — potato, poh-tato.

I am instead going to guide you down the much more fascinating path of the history of Christmas-tree disposal (recycling? Cleansing? Annihilation?).

What does the nation do with millions of Christmas trees when households no longer fancy a Tannenbaum erected in the corner of their living room?

Of course, when wood heating was the standard source of warmth in American households, Pa would just take the tree outside and give it a shave with his handy axe. The logs would be dried to serve as fuel for the woodstove, and the needles would be saved for a whole host of potential uses — including homemade Pine-Sol, nutritious mulch, earthy VapoRub, chicken bedding, and spruce-y tea.

But, alas, the little stove on the prairie is no more. As environmental regulations regarding wood fuel have spun figure eights over the last several decades (the U.S. Department of Energy now recommends certain kinds of wood-burning vestibules for their sustainability and efficiency, and it vilifies others), most homes have moved away from wood fuel as a source of energy.

So what is the current fate of the ornamented tree? While many American cities offer Christmas-tree-recycling programs, certain policies (looking at you, California) require the disposer to chop up their tree if it’s taller than five or six feet. I imagine most Americans don’t have the time or the tools to ensure that their tree is put to good use after the climax of its career.

The visage of hundreds of thousands of abandoned pine trees left to decompose in landfills is certainly a sad one. As with the Christmas tree, so too with the Christmas spirit.

However, a ragtag team of small heroes have risen to this distinctly modern challenge — flocks of hungry goats are here to save Christmas.

The practice appears to have emerged in the last decade or two across small farms in the U.S. According to a local Massachusetts magazine:

The pine needles contain a wealth of nutrients, antioxidants and vitamin C, while the sap can act as a natural dewormer. The goats won’t stop at the needles however, and will strip the bark from the tree. Over the last few years, local farms have taken to social media to put out the call for Christmas trees that have not been treated with pesticides or other chemicals in the days between Christmas and New Years. The practice provides a new way to recycle the trees along with a tasty snack and enrichment tool for the animals.

The article features portly Nigerian dwarf goats — about as large as a medium-sized dog — chomping away at the tasty treat.

I must confess, the inspiration for this article came from four, waggish, barrel-bodied dwarf goats that I am currently farm-sitting:

The little rascals love to eat all sorts of textured plant detritus. While they haven’t yet consumed a Christmas tree, I believe they would heartily enjoy the holiday treat. Here’s to good old-fashioned recycling in the new year!