If the hullabaloo about a deceased dog and South Dakota governor Kristi Noem is to be believed, Cujo is loose in Pierre, S.D., and he’s hunting for the governor’s political aspirations of becoming Donald Trump’s VP pick.
The governor, a woman already familiar with self-inflicted controversy, stepped in something foul when she revealed in her new book that she shot her 14-month-old dog, a wirehaired pointer named “Cricket,” after becoming frustrated with the dog’s attacking livestock and Noem herself. The governor described how Cricket, while pheasant-hunting with more-experienced dogs, “went out of her mind with excitement, chasing all those birds and having the time of her life.” It was after the chicken incident that Noem took Cricket to a gravel pit and shot it.
Americans left, right, and center love their dogs (perhaps too much), and the outcry from all quarters was what one would expect if Noem had gone out and shot each family’s Fido. Social media was ablaze with rage (a new development).
On Sunday, Noem defended her actions, writing:
I can understand why some people are upset about a 20 year old story of Cricket, one of the working dogs at our ranch, in my upcoming book — No Going Back. The book is filled with many honest stories of my life, good and bad days, challenges, painful decisions, and lessons learned. What I learned from my years of public service, especially leading South Dakota through COVID, is people are looking for leaders who are authentic, willing to learn from the past, and don’t shy away from tough challenges. My hope is anyone reading this book will have an understanding that I always work to make the best decisions I can for the people in my life.
The anecdote’s intent was to convey a politician’s need to make difficult decisions and cast Noem as an indomitable type not given to the feminine distaste for frontier justice. “She means business and won’t farm out the tough choices,” essentially. What the anecdote actually accomplished was euthanizing Noem’s career, ensuring that the role she currently inhabits is the last stop — unless PETA hires her to run their pet-processing facilities after finding her uniquely qualified for the role.
I mean, really, what was she thinking? She failed as a dog owner and then had the temerity to share that with the world as if it recommended her. While the vice president’s role these past four years has been to be as out of touch with the public as possible, Noem gives even Kamala a run for her dog-racing money.
Unlike some of the most ardent dog apologists, I accept there are bad dogs, and some need to be killed.
Dogs are a miracle, proof that God loves us, and also mortal creatures in a fallen world. There are dogs that are just no good. But even if Cricket were Satan’s Doberman, a hellhound of distinction, shooting a dog is like careening into a snowbank while driving drunk south of Minocqua — you take that to your grave with you. Further, it may be sexist, but it’s unsettling to most people to hear an attractive woman talk about killing dogs and goats so flippantly. The serial-killer vibes emanate at all frequencies, not just above 35,000 Hz.
Now Joe Roscum from Pflugerville, Texas, can shoot a cur or two, and people will, likely as not, forgive him because he’s Joe and he helps fix their cars on his property strewn with old hulks. But a manicured, dental-work saleswoman who moonlights as a governor swaggering up to the bar to tell you about blasting away at a puppy she couldn’t manage betrays such unwarranted self-assurance that one can scarcely believe she’s real.
Noem is an intemperate, unwise, and self-absorbed caricature of a politician. She’s done, and good riddance. As many a grandma has observed from an easy chair, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”