Tell graduates the truth: Love is the measure of success.
Tell graduates the truth: Love is the measure of success.
‘L ove others.”
Arthur Brooks has managed to carve out a living by studying, speaking about, and encouraging happiness (after many fascinating journeys, including as a classical French hornist and president of the American Enterprise Institute). He teaches happiness at Harvard, even. I was sitting next to him at commencement at the Catholic University of America recently before he shared some of the secrets of the pursuit of happiness. Talking with students who largely shared his (our) Catholic faith, he could presume a few things: that they believe in God. That they believe that there might very well be a plan God has for them. What a relief for them. They have a starting place, following in the footsteps of the God who loved them first.
At a dinner the night before for those receiving honorary doctorates (I was among them; don’t worry, I have no “Dr.” illusions), Brooks talked about the gift that is Ivy League students coming into his office and closing the door and asking the most important things. I want to be married. I want to have a family. How do I do these things? They know in their hearts that career and material success aren’t everything. If they have religious faith, they have the suspicion, at the very least, that those are not the things they are going to be judged on.
These are my words, not Arthur’s, but he is — in addition to explaining the social science — translating the gospel for the people in the world today. He is a bit of a secret agent that way. Teaching at Harvard, writing for the Atlantic, hanging out with the Dalai Lama (he does), and co-authoring an upcoming book with Oprah Winfrey. This is what Pope Francis talks about when he encourages people to go to the peripheries. It’s going into the neighborhoods people tell you not to go into — Chris Arnade and his book Dignity is a great example of this when it comes to poor, drug-infested, dangerous streets and befriending people still. The secular elite is another ministry. The gospel is for everyone, and Christians are called to love everyone.
What I saw and experienced at the Catholic University of America this spring was not mere happiness, but it was joy. I suspect that his wife has heard everything he has had to say about happiness and more. And yet, I saw her the whole ceremony, loving her love from the audience. I had my own group right behind her. None of them had to be there, but they made sacrifices out of love.
Later in the day, I introduced my sixth-grader godson to one of those who made such sacrifices — to support an (honorary) doctorate in philosophy I didn’t pay or study for — a classmate from my undergraduate years at the same school who drove seven hours each way to be there. His mind was blown by both our age, but that anyone would actually be friends for decades. That’s the stuff of joy, my Son!
In his address, and in a subsequent column for the Atlantic, Brooks quoted Saint Thomas Aquinas: “To love is to will the good of the other.” He counterculturally emphasizes that “love is a commitment, not a feeling.”
I couldn’t help but think of my own parents as I looked out on all the parents and siblings — grandparents, even, and others — who gathered on the lawn outside the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, the largest Roman Catholic church in North America, adjacent to Catholic University’s campus. As with many of the students before me, they sacrificed for their children through Catholic school (teaching in Catholics schools, as well — not the most lucrative work, but a source of, yes, joy). They set me up for joy by showing me what it’s made of — that commitment to love, not a mere feeling. (Though it sure feels good to love and be loved, even in the sacrifices and suffering.) I’m grateful for that. It’s good to be truly and rigorously grateful. We aren’t owed anything. Even our lives! They are gifts. Real joy is a recipe for joy.
“Use your ordinary work . . . as a way to love others,” Brooks told the graduates. “You are made to love, and your work — no matter what it is — should be the way you express your love. That might sound as if being ambitious or hardworking doesn’t matter so long as we have a heart full of love. But that’s not the implication.” He continued: “To love others through our work involves bringing our very best effort every day; to be completely, uncompromisingly dedicated to excellence in what we do. Whether we work in a bank, or put roofs on houses, or take care of our children full time, true love means not cutting corners.”
If you are a parent, it is near impossible to cut corners. The little ones need everything from you. It’s the most important work in the world. Culturally, we don’t always make that clear. Practically, we don’t always support that.
Happiness, Brooks says, consists of “faith, family, friendship, and work.”
During the baccalaureate Mass the day before commencement, the Dominican priest chaplain of the university, Father Aquinas Guilbeau, O.P., encouraged students to remember that, while we humans are meant to grow and change, those who are adopted as sons and daughters of God through baptism are called to become more like the God who does not change, and who has made us for something more than worldly success.
“It’s almost as if doing God’s will is the secret of happiness,” Brooks said the next morning. “The important things do not change,” Father Aquinas said. We can all take joy in this. Whatever is in the headlines, we are made for more, and that never changes. When in doubt, just love. That’s a starting and forever place.
This column is based on one available through Andrews McMeel Universal’s Newspaper Enterprise Association.