The idea that people may have a “fear of missing out” (or “FOMO”) if they don’t go out and have fun with their friends is “ableist,” according to Feminist Internet.
“FOMO is a product of industrialized capitalism and a society of people who feel that they’re always running out of time to be a success or to have value or to have fun,” Neve Be writes in a piece for Everyday Feminism titled “5 Assumptions Behind the ‘Fear of Missing Out’ That Are Actually Really Ableist.”
According to Be, our culture “presumes that if a person is, say, having a panic attack, or is feeling sore or sick from a flare up related to their chronic illness, or from working their body too hard the day before, or for no traceable reason at all, that they should still be able to pull their s*** together enough to go out,” and that that is “ableist.”
It’s not clear why the people in these scenarios wouldn’t be able to just make the decision that’s best for themselves, tell it to the person who invited them, and stop being friends with anyone who couldn’t be sympathetic and respectful. After all, I’m pretty sure that shaming a chronically ill friend for being too sick to go out is not a thing that anyone who is not a psychopath would actually do.
#share#Still, Be insists that her viewpoint is not “silly” and that “FOMO” is actually a very serious problem that is “harmful” to everyone.
“FOMO is ableist because it doesn’t allow us to take our bodies, our circumstances, our safety, or our feelings into account,” she writes.
Now, the use of the word “allow” here is pretty interesting. After all, I’m pretty sure it’s not true that having a fear of missing out literally forces people against their will to go out when they don’t want to.
#related#Look: I’m familiar with “FOMO.” I’ve definitely felt too sick or sad to go out, decided to stay home and watch Alf reruns instead, and then worried that I might have missed out on something fun. Yes, I’ve even had friends encourage me to go out after I’ve said I didn’t want to — but I’ve always just taken it as a compliment that people want me around rather than feel I’ve been subjected to some form of discriminatory oppression that’s preventing me from taking care of myself. I guess I’ve somehow been able to do this thing where I’m an adult and trust that I know what’s best for myself rather than let social pressure dictate my life.
To be fair, Be also talks about how she suffers from a physical disability that can prevent her from going out and doing certain things with friends. That must be awful — obstacles and difficulties always are. But again, I’m pretty sure that anyone who would do anything but be sympathetic and offer ways to include her would be the kind of scum that no one should want to associate with anyway.