October 08, 2003, 8:30 a.m.
Trailing
Highlights from Bob Graham’s final campaign-diary entry.

6:00 A.M.: Wake up.

6:15 A.M.: After vigorous brushing of teeth, I sense a new feeling of confidence. Of course I'm a shoo-in for the nomination. Democrats need Florida. I'm from Florida. Democrats need me.

12:52 P.M.: Sang "The Bob Graham Campaign song" to a Democratic rally. Crowd was oddly quiet and unenthusiastic. Campaign staff keeps cringing. Can't understand why, the songs always seemed to work when I was running for governor or senator in Florida.

1:13 P.M.: Begin one of my trademark "work days," where I spend a day working in the job of a constituent. Today I am working as a waiter in a diner in Iowa, where I will experience firsthand the adventure, pressure and challenges of working as a waiter in a diner. In Iowa. Which is kind of far from Florida.

1:44 P.M.: Am fired from my position as a waiter in a diner in Iowa. The manager explains that my constant, methodical record keeping was interfering with my ability to take customers' orders and deliver food to their table. I explain that in Florida, my "work days" were celebrated as a popular, folksy tradition beloved by all my constituents. The manager explains that the meatloaf I brought to table six was cold. I tell him that food gets cold a lot faster here in Iowa, because the temperature is lower than it is in Florida. Despite this perfectly valid point, he just shakes his head and walks away.

2:11 P.M.: In a television interview, I emphasize that my experience on the intelligence committee proves I have intelligence. The interviewer asks if I have any concerns about leaked intelligence information. I rise from my office chair and get down on my hands and knees. I lowered my head beneath a coffee table and begin talking to the furniture. "I have with me a reporter," I said to the table, into the CIA listening device. "He has just asked me about intelligence leaks. He is wearing a blue blazer and khaki slacks." The reporter doesn't seem to get the joke, and instead abruptly ends the interview and backs away slowly. Odd. Reporters from the Florida papers always seemed to love that joke.

2:47 P.M.: Replace heart valve.

3:12 P.M.: Good news! Heard from a staffer by phone that the USA TODAY/CNN/Gallup Poll conducted Sept. 19-21 had me with the support of 40 percent of registered Democrats!

3:13 P.M.: Oh. Turns out I misheard him. We're the choice of four percent of registered Democrats.

3:14 P.M.: I ask if the poll had under-sampled Floridians. My staffer suddenly excuses himself, and asks my secretary for the Dean campaign's number.

4:00 P.M. to 4:45 P.M.: Take a nap.

5:00 P.M.: Check in on status of the "Bob Graham for President" Ford truck in the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series. Turns out this weekend's race was rained out. I point out to a staffer that Daytona, one of the world's most famous racetracks, is in Florida, we rarely have races rained out. She just kind of grunts and walks away. Morale seems to be slipping.

6:04 P.M.: At a Democratic candidates' forum, I remind the audience that I voted against the Iraq resolution. Explained that I wanted Hezbollah targeted first. Did I mention that support of Israel is a big issue in Florida? Floridians don't like Hezbollah. I'm from Florida, I reminded them. Democrats need to win Florida.

6:23 P.M.: I notice this Howard Dean character seems to get a lot more applause every time he promises to "drag George W. Bush out of the office by his ear and then have Attorney General Joe Wilson indict every member of the Bush administration and the Bush family including his dog, Barney." Maybe I ought to take a more strident style in my speeches.

7:23 P.M.: After the candidates' forum, I tried my new strident style. I told reporters that President Bush ought to be impeached. They seemed to like that. I said Bush's secretive ways were Nixonian. The older reporters liked it, the younger ones thought I was referring to Red Sox pinch-hitter Trot Nixon. I say that Bush ought to be indicted. Someone asks me for what, and I kind of froze up and said I wasn't sure yet. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a strident candidate.

7:45 P.M.: Listen to Jimmy Buffett on the ride back from the candidates' forum. I feel better.

8:00 P.M.: Rewind videotape.

9:00 P.M.: Decide to call it quits. Can tell my presidential-campaign staffers after this Larry King interview. Larry King keeps talking about Siegfried and Roy. Apparently, Roy was eaten by a tiger. Me, I prefer Dolphins and Jaguars. Because, you know, they're from Florida.

9:52 P.M.: After a lot of talk about this Roy character, I announce I'm dropping out of the race. Afterwards, my staffers seem very upset, apparently it's customary to tell them before you tell Larry King. I explain this is the first time I haven't won a race, so I'm not up on all the manners and rules. Things just seemed easier in Florida.

11:44 P.M.: Am still waiting by phone. Can't understand why Dean, the General, or Kerry haven't called yet to discuss formalizing the 2004 ticket. After all, the nominee is going to have to win Florida.

Maybe he'll call tomorrow.

— Jim Geraghty, a reporter at States News Service, is an NRO contributor.