July 29, 2004, 12:02 a.m.
Prodding the Repubs, sizing up the Dems — plus more ice cream!

As our Byron York has reported, Howard Dean said the following about the Bush administration: "They like book burning better than reading books."

Now, the media will do very little to propagate this quote (as they have done very little — nothing? — to propagate DNC chairman Terry McAuliffe's endorsement of Michael Moore's theory about Afghanistan). But why shouldn't the Republicans propagate it?

Why shouldn't Bush make an ad, saying (in essence), "We don't burn any books. Governor Dean is demented. That party is demented. Don't give your votes to a crazy party. Come on!"

Would that be so bad (I mean, not those words, but that concept)? Is it impossible for the Bush-Cheney campaign to turn the Democrats' lunacy back on them?

I saw a most interesting disembarkation on Wednesday, about noon. A boatful of Democratic bigs were getting off at the Kennedy Library, for an event. I spotted — from far away — the shocking white hair of Sen. Frank Lautenberg, that tireless hater. Very impressive hair, though. Another man with impressive white hair is Jack Valenti — he was talking with Lautenberg. He was also wearing some Jackie O.-style sunglasses (speaking of Kennedys).

Who else? John Breaux looked like a million bucks — but this is not the occasion for an essay on the nexus between good looks and politics. Byron Dorgan didn't look bad either, though not as good as Breaux. Same with Bill Nelson of Florida (at least I think it was he).

It was almost a relief to see Carl Levin — so rumpled — providing confirmation that an ordinary-looking person can succeed in politics.

Pat Leahy was there too, although I did not pull a Cheney on him (much as I might have wanted to). Three years ago, I did a piece on Leahy — here — and one Senate staffer described him as "a junkyard dog in a Vermont sweater" (meaning, he seems sort of cuddly, but he's rabid).

Last to disembark were Caroline Kennedy and her uncle, Senator Ted. First, about Ted: He was, to me, surprisingly short. And he limped badly, though he has slimmed considerably this year.

Caroline looked absolutely beautiful. She seems to get better-looking. Many years ago — for example, when she was in high school and college — I felt a bit sorry for her, because her brother was this physical idol, and she, the girl, was . . . more ordinary (despite those stellar parents). I thought that was unfair, in the same way that people think the girls ought to get the masses of curly hair, not the boys (and the boys don't want them, anyway). But my point: Caroline is now radiantly beautiful.

Of course, great wealth can help a person — particularly a woman, I would say. On Tuesday night, Chris Heinz said about his mother, "Doesn't she look awesome at 65?" (or whatever). Frankly, with a billion dollars — as much Botox as you can buy: You sort of ought to.

I should say one more quick word about Caroline: As I looked at her, I realized that she — a relatively young woman — had lost her entire nuclear family: mom, dad, brother. That can't be any fun (pardon the understatement).

I have just heard Pat Leahy speak, and that speech ended with, "God bless you, and God bless our wonderful, wonderful country."

You may call me a horrid McCarthyite, but I was surprised — surprised that Leahy had it in him to say those things.

'Tis true.

New York congressman Gregory Meeks has just vowed that Kerry will make America "not just safer, but safe." It would be kind to criticize that as utopian. It would probably be more accurate to criticize it as stupid.

I'm delighted to see that there are still goofs at conventions — I mean goofballs, characters, people dressed up funnily, delegates weighed down with buttons, and sporting extravagant hats. I'm glad we haven't "progressed" beyond that. That is part of our political pageantry.

Delegates (and others) entering the compound have to run a kind of gauntlet, of all kinds of folks: LaRouchies, Commies, pro-aborts, anti-aborts. (Yes, I know — there are a lot of pro-aborts inside.) One fellow was dressed in a Kerry-style NASA blue scrub suit (or whatever one should call it) — the day after!

Does Donald Segretti live?

Anyway . . .

Okay, just went to the men's room. (This is a weird Impromptus — I apologize.) (But aren't they all?) Stood in line with John Lewis (Atlanta congressman, civil-rights hero). People are always remarking on his "dignity." They are right; he exudes it. Yes, he's a little less than dignified when inveighing against us conservatives, but . . .

Saw the Dukakises, too (not in the men's room). He looks just as he always has — fit, handsome, a little grayer (or whiter). She actually looks better: almost glamorous, regal, smart in a short do. (Did you know her father was the late Harry Ellis Dickson, the Boston violinist/conductor?)

The New York Post highlighted what Attorney General Ashcroft said when announcing the indictment of the Holy Land Foundation people (who are apparently financiers of Hamas): "To those who exploit good hearts to secretly fund violence and murder, this prosecution sends a clear message: There is no distinction between those who carry out terrorist attacks and those who knowingly finance terrorist attacks."

I may be wrong — I hope I am — but I have the strong feeling that, if Kerry and them get in — this is all gone. This sort of spirit, this sort of activity, this sort of protection — is gone.

The Dems might consider the prosecution of the Holy Land Foundation a hate crime.

Here at the convention, Rep. Jim McDermott and Jesse Jackson have both expressed the view that U.S. authorities may already have Osama bin Laden in custody — they are merely waiting to spring the news on the electorate. We have known this, of course, as the Madeleine Albright view.

And recently, at a conference, I heard a very, very prominent Democrat say, "If bin Laden is caught during the general-election campaign, a lot of Democrats are going to say he was kept in a freezer all along."

Uh-huh.

(Bear in mind that Richard Hofstadter wrote The Paranoid Style in American Politics about the Right.)

The Democrats' singer had people wave their arms back and forth during the national anthem. Yes, I'm a dinosaur — but that is disgusting.

Dianne Feinstein painted a horribly bleak picture of America — its economic condition — culminating in, "This is not the American dream."

I thought of something Fred Thompson told me in an interview, explaining why he wasn't running for president (in 2000): "I don't want to spend several months trying to convince people they're not as well off as they think they are."

A man named Michael Coleman, mayor of Columbus, Ohio, placed in nomination the name of John Kerry (I think — might have been Edwards). He said several times that he was "dedicating" the nomination — like a song! — to servicemen. He started with servicemen "here at home."

But I don't think he meant to salute George W. Bush.

Jesse Jackson borrowed a trope — surely unwittingly — from Dick Cheney (Philadelphia, 2000): "Help is on the way."

Cheney's speech was much better. Saner, to begin with.

No one has ever screamed more maniacally at a convention than Rep. Elijah Cummings of Maryland. He had no need of a mike. I thought he'd hurt himself.

How can people take seriously someone shouting like a madman — when there is no need to shout like a madman?

I believe it was Ramesh Ponnuru who said something astute about Jennifer Granholm, the Michigan governor: Hillary Clinton ought to thank her lucky stars she (Granholm) was born in Canada. When it comes to a Democratic blonde — Jennifer seems to me the more appealing (but what do I know? I found — I find — Sen. Phil Gramm tremendously appealing).

Looking at all those Democratic military leaders, I had one question: Where was Adm. Gene LaRoque? (Stansfield Turner made up for his absence: If Turner is for Kerry, Kerry must be the wrong man.)

To me, the Edwards girl was charming, but not as charming as Karenna Gore was, four years ago. The Gore girl was, in fact, melting.

The super-articulate — the allegedly super-articulate — Senator Edwards says "myself," that stupid old crutch, when the speaker doesn't know the uses of "I" and "me."

Beyond that tiny point, Edwards seems to me the epitome of the slickster. He's condescending, he's grossly self-regarding, he's smarmy. Would I think the same if I didn't disagree with his politics? That is a question I'm not sure I can answer.

The man has mastered something from Clinton: He complains of negative campaigning by the other side — "Aren't you sick of the negative politicking? — while campaigning like a junkyard dog (speaking of Senator Leahy).

Besides which, has the Bush-Cheney campaign been relentlessly negative against the Democrats? I know a lot of people who say: "I only wish!"

Dear ones, I have a million letters (I'm sorry I won't be able to answer or read them all), but, for now — as before — I think I'll just stick to ice cream. (We've been talking about great American ice creams over the last few days, as I have been marveling over the Boston Ice Cream Factory on Morrissey Blvd.)

"Jay, while Graeter's is indeed terrific ice cream (and we have them here in Louisville now also), when in Cincinnati you absolutely must go to Aglamesis on Montgomery Rd. You will never find plain old vanilla ice cream as rich and perfect anywhere else!"

"Jay, I lived in Belmont and worked in Boston for eight years. The BEST ice cream in the area is in Belmont at Rancatore's."

"Jay, I'm amazed that you didn't mention Guernsey's in Novi, Mich. People had a nationwide ice-cream top-ten list in the Eighties and Guernsey's made it with their butter pecan (my favorite is the chocolate chip.)"

"As long as you're in the area, why not go 20 miles south of Boston to Sharon and sample the ice cream made at the Crescent Ridge Dairy? Best bet: Black raspberry with chocolate jimmies."

"Jay, the huckleberry milkshakes in Apgar, Mon., are the best dessert on the face of the earth."

"The best ice cream I've ever had was from Sherman's Dairy in South Haven, Mich. Mmmm . . . black cherry."

"The Penn State Creamery! Ask Bill Clinton (who committed the sin of mixing flavors in a double dip). Come to State College and have some Peachy Paterno some day."

Paterno's peachy with me — he led the Pennsylvania delegation at the convention that nominated Bush 41.

Didn't think I could get back to politics, huh?

One more night to go — catch ya.

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